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But I’m in that in-between part, the part where you’re waiting to be sent.
I’ve heard so many people say, “Yeah, I’d love to be a missionary, but I can’t handle the idea of raising support.” I get that. It’s scary. Scary (1) not knowing where the funds will come from, and (2) continually putting yourself out there talking about your ministry. For some people it can feel like they’ve become a vagrant on the street corner holding a torn cardboard sign saying “Whatevr you can give.”
I felt like that when I was just starting out, oh, about 35 years ago. And then, slowly, I learned that it wasn’t about me. It's about other people and their own relationship with God. I discovered that I didn’t – couldn’t – control or even predict the process, but that lots of people are having conversations with God about what they should do with the money he’s entrusted to them and how they can play some part in what God’s doing in the big world. And sometimes, me and this ministry end up getting some of the overflow from that. I love it when that happens. And sometimes I’m not God’s designated recipient of the overflow, and that’s perfectly fine, too. What’s wonderful is to see the conversations going on.
But there’s an even better part: friendships. “For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also” (Matt 6:21). Or as Paul described his own experience of fundraising, “They gave according to their means… and this, not as we expected, but they gave themselves first to the Lord and then by the will of God to us” (2 Cor 8:3-5). As a missionary I’ve been the surprised and grateful recipient of people’s hearts as well as their financial support. I’m pretty sure that many of the people who’ve been such caring, encouraging, wonderful friends to me during the crisis of the past few years might not even be in my life, or still in my life, except that we’ve been tied together as long-term ministry partners. Who knew? Well actually, Paul did: “For the ministry of this service is not only supplying the needs of the saints but is also overflowing in many thanksgivings to God” (2 Cor 9:12). I am very, very thankful.
So it’s all good. And I haven’t even mentioned the part about how Jesus talks so much about money, so we don’t need to be squeamish about talking about money in church. Yeah, it’s all good – at least in theory.
It’s just that right now I’m sitting right here in the middle of it, biting my nails and waiting to see how (if?!) God will show up, one more time. Not gonna lie, it’s scary. Those existential questions that haunt each of us in the darkness swirl through my days. ‘Does God care?’ ‘Is he really calling me to do this?’ ‘Am I enough for this?’ ‘Am I going to be safe?’ ‘Am I crazy?’ ‘How is this all going to turn out?’
I pretty much think it’s going to be OK. I’m fairly sure that each of you is having your own conversation with God about things like managing well the resources he’s given you. I imagine that in some cases me and this ministry will end up being part of that conversation. And in other cases – for the very best reasons – that won’t be the right answer. I believe that in the end we’ll all be able to look back together and talk about how God showed up.
But for right now? Just thought you might appreciate a dispatch from the front lines...
Grateful for the brochures from World Outreach
but it feels a little odd to see so many replicas of myself staring back
Missionary display table at EPC presbytery meeting last month
Totally posed pic of the missions committee at my local church in serious support deliberations
Missions committee selfie - love these guys!
