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Greetings from Virginia. When I wrote the last post, at the end of
2013, I talked about the uncharted ‘journey to Jesus’ that I found myself on, a
bit like those Christmas wise men following the star to Bethlehem. As it turns
out I’ve found the journey even longer and more winding that I’d imagined.
And I haven’t quite gotten there yet.
First
I need to tell those of you who don’t know, the sad and brittle news that Bill’s
and my marriage has ended. In spite of several years of intensive counseling we
haven’t been able to make meaningful progress on the core issues. It’s not a
place I ever expected to reach in my life journey. I know that some of you have
been through this process yourselves, and if you haven’t, someone close to you
probably has. So I’m sure you can imagine how to pray for each of us and our
daughters during this very painful time.
You may also be aware that I’m in the process of transitioning out
of SIM to a new – and as yet undefined – future. Through this first half of
2014 I’ve been officially on SIM ‘home assignment’ (furlough), drawing no
salary but receiving help with medical and housing expenses. Next Wednesday I
travel to Bangalore, India, where I’ll be from June 25 to July 27 teaching
two courses in biblical hermeneutics at the South Asian Institute for
Advanced Christian Studies (www.saiacs.org)
I’ve taught at SAIACS before in 2005 and 2008 (photo below), loved being
there, and am very excited about returning. This is my final assignment with
SIM, then my SIM membership will end on July 31. I know that a number of you
are continuing to give to SIM through July. I am so grateful for that help. Those
of you who would like to help with transition costs can give an additional gift
here.
Any remaining funds in my SIM account in July will come to me in some form such as
a final salary payment, 403(b) retirement contribution, reimbursements for
additional expenses, or continuing health insurance.
And then what…? At this point, rather than quickly
journeying onward, God has had me waiting. Lots of waiting. For a longer
time than I, with a much smaller view than God has, think I should have to sit
still. One of the most significant books for me this year has been Sue Monk
Kidd’s When the Heart Waits. She explores waiting as a
spiritual discipline, mining from scripture, the early church fathers, and
medieval mystics rich insights into the spiritual value of waiting that we busy
moderns may have lost. She writes, “Crisis, change, all the myriad upheavals
that blister the spirit and leave us groping—they aren’t voices simply of pain
but also of creativity. And if we would only listen, we might hear such times
beckoning us to a season of waiting, to the place of fertile emptiness.” So I’ve
been trying to listen and wait. Not passively. I’ve been exploring future
options, but have been trying to do so steadily and out of a conviction of God’s
love and concern rather than out of fear or anxiety. I’m trying to receive
whatever is good about the waiting itself, choosing to believe with Kidd that “waiting
does provide the time and space necessary for grace to happen.” Which is
not to say this is easy.
While waiting, I returned to Kenya in February to say good-bye,
sell household items and hand over some leadership responsibilities. It was a
wonderful, necessary time of remembering, saying thank you, and receiving
blessings from friends and colleagues. Now back in Virginia I continue to be
involved in weekly counseling, I teach English for a few hours a
week, I’ve been volunteering with a University of Virginia-related foundation to
help plan part of a State Department training program in civic leadership
for young Africans (youngafricanleaders.state.gov), and I’m slowly relearning
what it’s like to live in America after 17 years overseas. I’m immensely
grateful to God for the haven of my house in the small town of Crozet near
Charlottesville, for dear old friends I’ve reconnected with, and for the
creative kindness of so many individuals.
Looking forward I’m exploring, step by step, how God might be shaping
my future. This fall I’ll be teaching one online biblical studies course for Regent
University (Virginia Beach) and then beginning in January I’ll teach another
one for Fuller Theological Seminary.
Teaching online allows me to stay in Virginia for now. I’ll probably also
do a bit more English teaching, try to stay involved with international
student ministry at UVA, and perhaps
work in some part-time administrative role with the foundation I mentioned above
(presidentialprecinct.org). I’ve also been asked to lead a theological education accreditation project
in Kenya for a couple of weeks in late fall. Most tantalizing, I’ve just
begun the conversation with a Presbyterian-related mission agency about the
possibility of returning to international theological education. I have
no idea which of these directions God is moving me toward in the longer term,
and I’m trying not to short circuit the waiting process by squirming too much.
I also want to say the most appreciative ‘thank you’ possible to
you partners who have stood with us through the years of teaching theological
education in Ethiopia and Kenya. You have prayed, given, encouraged and
loved, and in so many ways have been the ones to make this teaching ministry
possible. Some of you who’ve been involved with our family over the years may also
enjoy supporting our Caroline through the second/final year of her
internship ministering to missionary kids around the world with Cru (mk2mk.org ).
Gifts for Caroline’s work with MK2MK can be given here.
You can contact Caroline at caroline.black@cru.org
or read her latest update here,
which tells about her work in Thailand this summer.
Waiting is not easy. I’m right there with Sue Monk Kidd when she
writes, “Waiting seemed the rawest kind of agony.” I also hope I can affirm
with her that “faith was believing that the God who whirled the darkness in me
would also create the radiance. So I waited.” Eventually, I look forward to
letting you know how the waiting turns out.
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Happiness is a beautiful Mother’s Day
picnic in the Virginia countryside with Caroline (L) and Linnea (R)
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